The Cycle of
Conjugal Violence
The cycle of conjugal violence is a vicious circle comprising four successive phases: tension-building, incident, justification and calm.
When these phases occur in succession, at a more frequent rate and with greater intensity over time, the controlling partner is able to maintain their control over the relationship. The instability and confusion it generates in the abused woman lead her to stay with her partner despite the abuse perpetrated on her.
Tension-Building Phase
Through intimidating looks, heavy silences or moodiness, the controlling man establishes a climate of fear. He is impatient, intolerant and aggressive.
This phase creates anxiety in the abused woman, who tries to meet all the desires of her partner in order to defuse the tension.
Incident Phase
The controlling man uses violence to belittle, hurt or humiliate his partner.
The latter may be paralyzed by fear and have feelings of shame, anger, injustice, helplessness or sadness. She tries to protect herself by fleeing or by trying to defend herself.
Justification Phase
The controlling man justifies his abuse by putting the blame on their partner or on external factors. He finds excuses and downplays the seriousness of his actions.
The abused woman tries to believe his justifications and his anger diminishes. She even begins to feel responsible and thinks that by changing his behaviour, the abuse will stop.
Incident Phase
The controlling man uses violence to belittle, hurt or humiliate his partner.
The latter may be paralyzed by fear and have feelings of shame, anger, injustice, helplessness or sadness. She tries to protect herself by fleeing or by trying to defend herself.
Calm Phase
The violence diminishes or disappears completely. The controlling man does everything to maintain the relationship, be forgiven and regain his partner’s trust. He behaves nicely, offers her gifts, makes promises to her, talks about therapy, etc.
The abused woman is hopeful. She sees the results of her efforts to change her partner and finds herself once again with the person she loves. She wants to help him and changes her own behaviours so that this period continues.
This phase, which can vary in length, continues until the tension returns. The cycle starts again.
If you fear for your safety, don’t hesitate to call the police at 911
or SOS violence conjugale at 514-873-9010 or 1 800-363-9010.
These services are always available.